What you don’t expect when you’re expecting

expectingAh, pregnancy, the most wonderful time of a woman’s life. I have truly had a wonderful pregnancy. I haven’t had any health issues, no aches or pains. It has honestly been one of the most wonderful times of my life.

But wait a second, it can’t be that easy can it? -of course not, keeping in mind peoples rude comments and awkwardness, it creates a whole other atmosphere for pregnant ladies. I am utterly shocked at people and their lack of sensitivity, or just plain common sense when it comes to pregnancy, women and general comments at what is supposed to be, such a wonderful time.

So let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

It all starts the moment you announce you’re pregnant.  Most people mind their own business and don’t even think to ask this but the most awful thing someone could ask (and guaranteed someone is going to ask) at such a beautiful moment -”was it a mistake?”

*Pure silence*

Does it matter? Does it make this moment any less special? but most importantly, is it anyone’s business whether you are having sex for fun or for a purpose? I was only asked this once (I am assuming not more because we were married) but I have heard that women get asked this all the time -appalling!

Then comes weight gain, no matter what stage your in in your pregnancy, people (strangers and friends, women and men) will ask about how much weight you have gained. When did it ever become okay to ask a woman about her weight, let alone at a time where hormones are running high and we are trying to embrace our ever changing bodies. I have been asked this question by nearly every friend and family member -yes, even women who have been pregnant and know the awful feeling of being asked! They don’t even try to ask it casually, it comes on the first seconds within conversation or after seeing a picture of me, I was always caught off guard and would assume that they would give in to my awkward silence and allow me not to answer, but now I have grown to expect it and say something nearly as rediculous as their question in response. Usually my response goes along the line of ”a baby, I have gained a baby” but then you get the pusher, who won’t give up, laughs casually and then ”no really, how much have you gained” to which my response is ”NOTHING.” The look of shock comes over them and at that point they have clearly gotten the point that I will not be answering their question.

I have often asked myself, why do people keep asking me -do I look huge or something?

My husband notably pointed out that they are all just trying to judge and he is absolutely right! Whether the amount on the scale is too much or too little to them, they will judge what you are going to say. Not that they considered what your weight was before pregnancy, whether your were below your BMI or above (obviously makes a difference on what is considered ‘healthy weight gain’) nor do they consider that the placenta, amniotic fluid, 50% more blood volume, baby, breast tissue, etc. are all included in this weight ‘gain’ but somehow, regardless of how healthy your weight gain is, they will either judge you because it isn’t enough or it is too much -according to their standards.

I once  gave into this trap and told a group of guests (whose first question when they got into my house was ”how much have you gained?”) and their response was ”oh a friend of mine is in her 7th month and has only gained 14 pounds.” -Bravo! Great! Good for your friend! I honestly wanted to start the slow clap with a dumbfounded expression on my face but my husband jumped in and saved the day, not that he should have to, but because he knows how I feel towards this question and could probably see the rage overcoming me. That was the first and last time I have told someone, other than my husband (who is always encouraging me not to let it get to me) or my doctor how much I have gained.

This one may not be something that everyone gets, but I even had someone try to give me (what they thought) a ‘cute’ nickname during my pregnancy. Brace yourself, this one is a dousy, they called me thick bumble bee, as if it were ‘cute’. Needless to say it did not last long but who. on. earth. I was just speechless.

One of the biggest things that gets me is people trying to tell my husband and I what we should or shouldn’t do to prepare for our child. I figure, if I want their opinion, we ask them, if we don’t ask, I do not want to hear that you think I bought too many baby clothes. Why is it that all of a sudden when you become a parent people feel the need to have to tell you what to do all the time -they are aware that there is the internet where you can research things, right?

I am also not a fan of the moms who judge, everyone is struggling with something and just trying to make the best of it, so why not let them do them. We don’t need to be telling other moms or moms to be that they should be doing this or that to help their baby. I am positive that they have read up about it and have decided for or against it based on their opinion, so let it be. I had a new mom bombard me for weeks with articles on why working out during pregnancy is the best thing for you -and while I am sure it did wonders for her, it was THE LAST thing I was thinking about while I laid on my bathroom floor with all day sickness in the first months.

In the end, people seem to have lost their filters. I feel that somewhere, perhaps through social media, they don’t pick up on conversational etiquette, what should or shouldn’t be said. What I have found extremely helpful is venting to my husband. He is the sweetest most caring man, and I don’t think I could be half as calm and not hot tempered if it weren’t for him. Plus he is constantly telling me how great I look (all husbands should) so it makes up for the idiotic comments and questions. The most important thing for us to remember is that this is a beautiful time in our lives, do not let any one ruin it for you, enjoy it and do what is best for you!

Am I alone in these thoughts? Do you have anything to add to my rant?

Looking forward to reading all about it in the comments!

 

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