He is so perfect and I’m so thankful to be his mom! In the past month he has gained just over 2 pounds, he’s now 9 lbs 3 oz and he loves to eat (like gulp that milk back) sleep, laugh, smile, look at bright lights, LOVES the bath, will only sleep in mine or my husbands arms, he dreams so much, is so wiggly and grunts all the time, he farts quite a bit for someone so little and it’s always when I’m on the phone (I’m sure people don’t always believe that it was him farting and not me!), he is such a relaxed baby and barely ever cries. One month in this world and he’s doing awesome!
Me on the other hand, one month into this first time mom job and it has been more than I could have ever imagined. More love, more smiles, more emotions, more cuddles, more work and more attention than I was anticipating.
I love being Owens mom, I love how he smiles all morning long, how he needs me all the time, how he cuddles with me all night long and how he falls asleep in my arms. I love the moments we have reading books together, or talking or just gazing into his eyes wondering what he sees, what is so fascinating about the shelf behind me or what he’s thinking. Being a mom is truly wonderful and I’m so thankful to Owen for choosing me to be his mom.
But with all that love and all that I had expected about motherhood, there was a lot that I wasn’t expecting.
First, it’s important to know I am an extremely OCD person. I have lists for lists of things to get done. I am quite productive with my time and determined to get my lists completeled (nothing more satisfying than checking an item off)! So there has been a lot of change in my daily routine.
Of course I expected change but it hasn’t been all that I expected.
Eating: of course I wanted to breastfeed him because we’ve heard it a million times, breast is best. I was expecting it to work well and to feed him every few hours for an hour or so, I wasn’t expecting him to need my nipple attached to him 24/7. I’m not into the crying out method (if you are that’s great! We all have our own preferences) so when he wakes even the slightest, he’s looking for food. There goes one hand for 70% of my day, but we’re managing.
Sleeping arrangements: I was expecting him to sleep in larger periods of time (1.5 to 2 hours) in his crib in his room, and at night in the bassinet in our room. I was completely against co-sleeping at the beginning, however, it hasn’t been that way. From time to time I can put him in the crib in his room to run to the washroom or make lunch, but he’s only fell asleep in there once and won’t do it again! You would think the beautiful bassinet in our room is make of nails since he refuses to lay in there. The second we put him down whether sleeping or awake, he starts fussing. So, where does he sleep? In my arms during the day, after feeding he falls asleep in my arms and only when he’s in a really deep sleep can I slowly move him beside me to sleep on our bed. But I can’t get up, it’s like he smells me near him and the second I leave the room, no matter how quiet I’ve been he wakes up. At night he sleeps beside me (don’t worry, we’ve taken safety precautions) this is really nice and quite convenient for night feeds as I hear him wake up (he doesn’t cry) and I can feed him while we’re both laying down. My husband doesn’t wake up and everyone is happy. Although, I don’t think I could Co-sleep if we had a smaller bed, we have a king and it’s a good size for the 3 of us.
Sleep: I was preparing myself for sleepless nights and looking like a zombie in the morning, but this boy sleeps! He sleeps all night and wakes every 2-3 hours to eat and falls asleep after 30 minutes without making a fuss. It’s glorious and has made us very happy, every day I thank him for sleeping so well.
Emotions: to be honest my pregnancy was so wonderful I didn’t think I’d have any issues with emotions afterwards. I was wrong. I cried so much over nothing, NOTHING! I can think back to the week after him and I can’t believe how emotional I was. Not angry or Crazy, just full of love and tears haha. Now my emotions are fine, I’ve just become some kind of mama bear, which I don’t like so I’m working on fixing it!
Recovery: I had this vision that I would be baking, cooking and playing the days away as soon as we got home. Again, I was wrong. I wasn’t able to wear normal pants for a while because of the massive pads, and to top it off I ended up getting two infections in my incision at two different times! So I spent all of my time in bed cuddling trying to get better. A month later and there are still a few things that need healing but I’m feeling pretty great.
Love: I was expecting to love him obviously but my god! I wasn’t prepared for this kid of love! Looking at his face makes me melt, and sometimes I’ve picked him up while he’s sleeping just because I miss having him in my arms. I would do anything for this boy, moms to be, prepare yourself, this love is deep!
Overall my days aren’t nearly as productive (business wise) as before, however if you consider that I’m keeping this little human alive, I think that’s pretty productive! We haven’t figured everything out but we’re getting there one cuddle at a time. I love every minute with him and will cherish these moments forever!
Happy one month birthday little O, mom and dad love you more than you’ll ever know! Xo