I have had this discussion with so many people lately, men and women, and in general, the men begin thinking I’m crazy but in the end agree with me, whereas the women, they just know where I’m coming from.
Ladies, we can’t ever seem to win. Let me explain.
You may remember from this post, my son is allergic to dairy, soy and eggs, all of which he was getting exposed to through my breastmilk. So of course, being a loving mother, I cut these out of my diet all together so the little guy wasn’t suffering. My husband decided to too, in order to be supportive, and believe me, I know I have an amazing husband! But oh my god, you should hear the praise he gets!
The other day I heard someone say how easy it is to be a good dad and how easy it is to be a bad mom. OH. MY. GOD. I had literally never thought of it but it is so true.
Going back to the pregnancy, of course, we have a million and one appointments to go to for check ups etc. and of course, us women go, to make sure our baby is okay in there. It is nice if your partner can tag along, right? But why do they get praised so much for taking a few hours off work (which we women also have to do, my employer doesn’t give me the day off for fun because I have a pre-natal appointment)? I mean people were telling me how lucky I was for having my husband come, uhm, its his child too!
Also while I was pregnant I gave up drinking alcohol, duh, and my husband did too out of support (I know an awesome guy) but you should have heard how much he got praised, and still does! If I were to have had a sip of wine, I would be considered a horrible mother, meanwhile men can go out drinking and still be amazing fathers, but if they give up alcohol they’re saints!? What the?!
Don’t even get me started on the household issues. I will admit, I have barely cooked since having O. I will cook on weekends from time to time but generally my husband cooks dinner for us (which he did not before baby). The reason for this is that we want to enjoy dinner together, without crying, eating faster than ever to avoid a melt down, etc. We want to talk and feel like we’re still married. This means that while I bathe O (yes, we bathe him every night, more on that another time) my husband is cooking dinner, for us to eat together, in calmness, to enjoy our time together while the baby is sleeping. So many people feel that it is the womans position to cook and clean, which okay, maybe it was a million years ago, but in our marriage, in 2016, we share responsibilities and treat eachother as equals. That means no one is above cooking or cleaning (although I will NOT take out the garbage.)
Lastly, why do we women get judged regardless what we decide to do. When the time came to decide if I would go back to work, I didn’t even want to ask people their opinion because I just knew everyone would have their own, and in the end, judge me for what ever decision I decided. If a mother goes back to work to provide for her family, shes considered a bad mother for not spending time with her children. If she were to stay home, she’s considered lazy for not contributing -either way, we cannot win!
I decided to go back to work part time, in the evening when my husband is home. That way, I am still here to feed my son, put him down for a nap if my husband can’t and see any major milestones he would have, while still contributing to our financial situation. I am proud that we are living comfortably and it is with my contribution as well. I have also decided to start my MBA in October, which will require additional time to myself. Some may think this is selfish of me, in fact, my own mother told me not to do it. But I know we can never give our children the life we want if I don’t continue to pursue my goals. I know that I have a lot on my plate and I am willing to get up early, stay up late and not take naps while my son is napping, just so I can enjoy the time I have with him during the day.
Moral of the story, if you are a wife, mother, employee, friend, or woman of any title, you have most likely been judged on a decision you’ve made. I wish it weren’t like this and I hope so badly that our daughters live in a different time where we aren’t torn between the stay at home mom generation our parents were versus the independent women era and can pursue what ever their goals, dreams and passions are. But in the meantime, ladies, do you, do what’s right for your marriage, family, friendships, yourself without even considering the judgment because there is absolutely no way we can win everyone over. If we can go to bed happy with our decisions then we’ve made the right one!
Thanks for reading! xo